Shinji Says the N-Word
by therealmotherhecker
Summary: An argument with Asuka leads Shinji to say a certain word that begins with the letter 'N.' Shinji gets kicked out and it's up to Rei to cheer him up; can she do it?


nig·gard·ly

/ˈniɡərdlē/

 _adjective_

not generous; stingy.

* * *

"Asuka, stop being so… so… niggardly!"

The dining room fell silent, both Asuka Langley Soryu and Misato Katsuragi stared blankly at the boy who said those words. The boy, Shinji Ikari, started to sweat profusely. Did he just unknowingly commit some kind of faux pas? He only said niggardly, it's a perfectly innocent word.

"Shinji, did you just say the n-word?!" Asuka asked, her voice laced with anger and apprehension. Misato spoke next. "Shinji, I didn't take you for… a racist."

"W-what? I'm not a racist! Asuka was being niggardly, so I told her to stop! Race has nothing to do with this!" Asuka stood up and slammed her hands against the table. "You said that word again! Do I need to slap some sense into your racist head?"

"I'm not a racist!"

"You said the n-word!"

"Niggardly?"

"AGAIN! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

Shinji winced as Asuka prepared to slap him, but her arm was suddenly stopped by Misato. "Asuka, I'm as disappointed in Shinji as you are, but that isn't right. Violence only begets more violence, let's not stoop to this vile, racist's level." She spat the last part with as much venom as she could muster.

"M-Misato… why?"

"Shinji, I want you to leave this apartment at once. This is a safe space, we won't tolerate your hate speech any longer."

"B-but I…"

"OUT!"

The teenaged boy quickly scurried out of the apartment, his mind in a daze. _'Where do I go now?'_ Shinji thought to himself. A lightbulb flashed in his head; he could visit Rei! Surely, she would be logical enough to know niggardly isn't a racist word.

A good while later, Shinji had made it to Rei's apartment complex. Sure, the girl was quiet and a little weird, but she was never judgmental. Over the last few months, Shinji had started to feel quite comfortable around the girl. As comfortable as you can feel around someone who hardly talks, at least.

 _KNOCK KNOCK_

"Ayanami! It's me, Shinji!" He knew the door would be unlocked, but he still considered it rude to barge in. Shinji waited patiently for the girl to open her door, and when she finally did; he smiled. "Ikari, why are you here?"

"Oh, uh, I got into an argument with Misato and Asuka. Things are pretty tense over there, so I thought maybe we could… hang out or something?"

"Hang… out? Do you wish to hang from the ceiling like a bat?"

"N-no, it's just an expression. It means to spend time together."

"You wish to… spend time with me?"

"Sure, why not? We're friends, right?"

Rei didn't say anything, but her lips curled ever-so-slightly upwards. She held the door open and motioned with her head for Shinji to enter. The boy released a sigh of relief upon entering. Looking around the apartment, Shinji felt quite satisfied. He had helped clean it up a while ago, and was happy Rei had kept the domicile in decent shape.

The azure-haired girl sat down on her bed, then patted it; inviting Shinji to join her. He blushed furiously, but eventually complied. "Ikari, tell me about this argument."

"A-argument? Oh yeah, with Misato and Asuka! Well… I said a word, but they misconstrued its meaning."

"I see. What was this word you said?"

' _Please understand, Ayanami. Please.'_

"Uh… niggardly. I said Asuka was being niggardly."

Rei scratched her chin. "You were calling her ungenerous, then?"

"Y-yes, exactly! But they thought I was being racist. So, they sort of… kicked me out."

Furrowing her brow, she placed her free hand on Shinji's arm. He jumped slightly, but did not spurn her gesture. "It is okay, Ikari. Next time you visit NERV, you can show them a dictionary and explain." Shinji closed his eyes and smiled. He was lucky to have Rei.

"Thanks, Ayanami."

"Think nothing of it… Actually, I must ask you something, Ikari."

"Shoot."

Rei pulled a glock from underneath her pillow and pointed it at Shinji. The boy's hands shot up; he was too scared to utter a single word. Turning the safety off, she looked into the boy's eyes. "Do you really want me to shoot?"

"N-no! It's just a figure of speech! It means continue!"

"Oh." Rei turned the safety back on and returned the piece to its original resting place. Shinji had a hand to his heart and was breathing heavily. "I apologize for the misunderstanding." Shinji didn't even look at her as he continued to pant. "Don't… mention… it… just… tell me what you were going to say."

"What is your opinion on those of the negroid race?"

"I… what?"

"You said they accused you of being racist, and though niggardly is not a racist word; I am still curious."

"Blacks, Whites, Asians... we're all equally human. I don't think less of anyone simply because of their race."

"Oh… that is unfortunate." Rei retrieved her gun from underneath the pillow and undid the safety.

"What?"

"Say hello to Satan for me, monkey lover."

 _BANG_

 **TURNS OUT REI WAS A… REI-CIST! THE END.**


End file.
